Moving Up to the Next Level of Love

Last week, I wrote about defining love so that we can gain clarity about what love means to us. And making that definition crystal clear. If you haven't read it yet, you can find the article here.

This week, I want to take the next step. Once we have clarity about what love means to us, the next step is to build our relationships on the foundation of that definition.

What does this look like in practice, in our lives, in our everyday reality, and in the most important team of all: the one we create with our partner in our romantic relationship.

Far too often, we enter a relationship without first having a conversation about what it is we want to build together. What does my dream relationship look like? And what does it look like for the person I want to share a relationship with?

Do our visions align, or are we heading in completely different directions?

I wish I had done this at the beginning of my relationship. We had a clear purpose: to practice love together. We defined how we would train, but we missed one important thing: creating a clear vision. Where are we heading? What does our absolute ideal relationship look like? What do we want this relationship to bring into our lives, both individually and as a couple?

Luckily, it's never too late to create that clarity.

After all these years of making love my work, I now know that the way we relate to each other moves through different levels. The soul is constantly seeking to grow and evolve. That's why we're here, and our relationships are one of the arenas where this happens.

When we get stuck at a level below the one we want to be living at, frustration, irritation and disappointment start to creep in. And along with them comes the famous victim mentality, like an old, dear friend, moving in and sucking all the oxygen out of the room.

When this happens, it's important to recognise that I've become stuck at a level below where my soul wants to be.

We often blame our partner for this. If only he or she would do this or that, we could finally reach the next level.

But here's the thing: you are the one who has to get yourself there. No one else can do that for you. That is your souls work. (And we can never hand over our souls work to someone else)

You need to remember your definition of love, what your ideal relationship looks like, and start living as if you were already there. That's how you move to the next level, and the next, and the next.

When you do your own inner work, you will (if you're meant to continue your life journey together) begin to soulfully attract your partner up to your new level.

If your journey together has come to an end, and your partner chooses to remain at a lower level, your paths will eventually separate. (Your soul contract is over)

The mistake we all make is that, in our frustration, we stay where we are, going round in circles, waiting for our partner to make the first move.

We have endless conversations, or no conversations at all, depending on our relationship dynamic.

But we get nowhere, and eventually, we settle for that.

What this means is that we put the person before love. And that's exactly what we get. We get to stay with the person, but love becomes absent.

The key is to choose love. To always choose love first.

My partner and I are currently at a plateau in our relationship. Over the course of our 12-year relationship, we've moved through higher and higher levels together. But lately, things have come to a standstill. Too much of a standstill, if you ask me.

The problem with staying still for too long is that we start moving backwards.

It's like walking up an escalator that's moving down. Unless we keep walking, we're carried backwards.

And that's exactly what I'm experiencing right now. And just like that, frustration, irritation and Mr Victim come knocking at the door.

And yes, he shows up at my door too. You can be sure of that.

My old pattern is to believe that this is all I can have, that this is as good as it gets. A belief rooted in the low self-worth I'm here to transform. It makes me believe that I should settle for this level, even when my soul is aching for more. And that if I set a boundary here, I risk ruining everything.

But thankfully, I've been doing this work for so long now that I can return to what I know for sure. I need to start moving towards the next level.

I need to stop having endless conversations about how we're supposed to get there together, conversations that only create more frustration. Instead, I need to get on my own two feet and start walking the path of love.

For 12 years, he has followed me after a while. Never because I've asked him to, but because his soul wants to grow just as much as mine does. And that's what we do together.

Moving to the next level also means refusing to settle for anything less than what my soul truly wants.

This is where boundaries become incredibly important.

Because when we stay in an oxygen-deprived environment, it affects every area of our lives. We slowly suffocate without even realising it.

I'll happily write more about this another time.

To move up to the next level, I get very clear about the kind of love and relationship I want. I communicate clearly with my partner that this is the lowest level I am willing to accept in our relationship, and I invite him to join me in creating and living that vision.

In our relationship, my partner is equally clear, and together we can commit to living our vision. Or we can choose to go our separate ways.

There is no middle ground.

Because the middle ground is where the oxygen runs out.

When you write down your ideal relationship, you need to be very specific.

The ego, driven by our fears, will always try to blur the edges and keep things vague, so we can remain in what is familiar, even when what is familiar is a source of suffering.

If you want support in gaining clarity and taking the next step, you're welcome to join my community, Training for Love.

This is the space I am currently teaching in. I've filled it, and continue to fill it, with all the resources and tools I have to offer.

And I'm there with you, present and actively guiding you, both through our forum and our group sessions.

With Love / Beatrice